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“Love Me Anymore”

B y : 1 5 s t i t c h e s

*Inspired by Mikky Ekko’s song“Time” and personal life events*

 

Important

Taken for granted

Loved like a one-night-stand

      on lonely nights.

Feet moving down and down;

      Further and further away.

 

Time.

 

You can’t run from it

    despite the sweat on your brow,

      the leaking from your eyes;

Aching of muscle well underused in all this . . .

 

Time.

 

9 weeks to wait for the devastation

      that I knew was coming

      but prayed against anyway.

 

Prayed like I always do,

      only when I really need it

      only when I want something in return.

The wrong way,

      the greedy way,

      the only way I’ve known how to do it.

 

I know, Time. I know.

 

It wasn’t supposed to be yet.

Yet because I will never give up any part of my dreams.

They belong to me, not to you, Time.

They are MINE!

 

Mine.

Another word that changes,

      a meaning that really shouldn’t even exist

      if I follow what I admire most.

What I still have yet to try and accomplish.

Keep saving for another day, another . . .

 

Time.

 

So many meanings and yet

      so elusive,

      so angry,

      so terrifying and infuriating.

So loving

      and comforting

      and never quite knowing

      just how much of it is left.

 

And yes, the answer is always;

      Don’t think about the Hour Glass.

Don’t watch the sand slip down, down

      Further and further away.

 

“Time doesn’t love you anymore.”

 

And it may not,

      but I still love me

      whether or not I am defective.

Whether or not this

      is a test I have passed,

I am still worth the try.

 

And so . . .

 

Time.

 

Here we are again.

Face – to face.

Foot-to-foot

      and still not switching shoes.

 

I smile.

      Turn.

            And begin to walk.

                        Up and up,

                              Further and further away.

But this time,

      in the right direction.

 

Love Me Anymore
-~-
If ever there was a place to post something personal, this would be it.

But there are sometimes things so personal and so very close in the recent past that more time must pass before they can be directly spoken of. This is one of those things.

But my best friend, :iconstardust329: suggested writing and that was exactly what I needed to do :)

:hug:
-~-

:rose:
Loading...
  • Listening to: Julia Westlin - Inside
  • Reading: Fanfiction (Harry Potter)
  • Playing: Bioshock Infinite DLC
  • Drinking: Chocolate Milk
-~-
Hello,
After nine years with my boyfriend, Jeff, we're finally in a position to get married! My Ring :D    Close Up of Ring :P

He proposed on a Wednesday last month and though it was a bit strange after so long and I knew it was coming sometime soon, it was still nice to experience it :)

After much teeth-grinding, stress, and heartbreak, we are foregoing any kind of large ceremony or even a reception to save up for two weeks in Florida. I must admit that I was upset at our collective decision not to have a "real" wedding. We had started planning one beforehand and were doing a 1950's theme complete with 100% 50's and 60's music, a rockabilly style dress and everything. My colors were going to be royal blue and white. Nice and simple.

But that's not to say that we won't celebrate in our own, inexpensive way. We just can't afford a several thousand dollar party just to say "hey, we got married and you got to see it!" We've both been struggling to get to a place where we could marry and subsequently live together.
----
A little history:
Jeff and I met in my second year of college when I was 21. I started college late after working for 2 solid years after high school. We started dating that same year and have been together ever since.

It's been pretty hard at times because our situation is kind of unique. We lived together during our 2 years together in college. But in 2006, Jeff graduated and found a full time job while I was trying to finish my last three years up. It was crappy because we only saw each other on weekends. And that is still the case to this day. We only see each other every weekend and on Wednesdays (those were added 2 years ago when I moved closer to him from NY to CT).

So you can imagine that puts a lot of strain on a relationship, and it's been rough but we made it. We never gave up on each other and don't ever plan to in the future, either.
----
This year we seriously discussed many important life things, such as starting a family, when to actually try having children, and getting married. My parents offered for him to move in with us and he took the opportunity for us to be together.

It's not ideal, we're not "on our own" but these kinds of things happen for a reason. We'll both be working parents, so it's important to have our own family watch our children, should I be able to have them. I have a health issue that could prevent me from having kids altogether, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. . .

For now I'm a Para. at a school, not the teacher I was born to be. Times are tough at work, there's a lot of change happening in education, and unfortunately not enough jobs for the large pool of candidates for the few positions that are open.

Jeff is a full time security officer. He got EMS certified last summer and recently over the last 6 months has been working per diam. He often takes night shifts, so he works two jobs, sometimes 12 hours a day. That's not easy, and it drains him a lot.

My time with Jeff has taught me many important things. I don't think I would be able to take care of my adopted dog, Jojo, and a newborn on my own while working full time (with Jeff working 2 jobs). We'd be stretched too thin, so it works out extremely well that we are able to be with my parents.

His parents live only 20 minutes away as well and will be willing to help if we have children as well. So we're lucky. We're very lucky.

We are pretty poor and will be living with my parents (which I'm fine with, I'd miss my mom a ton). There were many reasons why we didn't do it sooner, though we would have if the circumstances were right.

But overall, I'm glad it's finally really happening :D
-~-

:rose:

deviantID

15stitches
is T.rou.ble})i({
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
Current Residence: CT
deviantWEAR sizing preference: I don't wear my deviousness.
Print preference: Depends on the piece.
Favourite genre of music: Various.
Favourite photographer: pixalias, Jeff, and lostgirl
Favourite style of art: Various.
Operating System: One that operates.
MP3 player of choice: iTunes, iPod Touch, WinAmp
Shell of choice: Jeff's arms.
Wallpaper of choice: Music or game related.
Skin of choice: Soft and pale.
Favourite cartoon character: 1.Courage 2.Gir 3. Lenore
Personal Quote: - People who take time to be alone usually have depth, originality, and quiet reserve - John Miller
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:iconsanpie:
SanPie Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2015  Professional
Thank you so mush for the +fav bestie I love you Huggle! 
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:iconrepus:
repus Featured By Owner May 10, 2014
ello there, so, what's the word these daze...ŋ
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:iconback-2-life:
Back-2-Life Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
A lot of people say they will take a lot, but they donīt.^^
Itīs not a problem if someone is not interested in my art.
And itīs ok if they ignore my msg.

It makes me even more happy to meeting people like you.
Thanks for your lovely feedback.
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:iconback-2-life:
Back-2-Life Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Hello!
Thanks for your favorite on my origami owl.
Please consider watching my gallery for more origami photography. if u liked it. if not- do not.

have a nice day!
bye (:
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:iconvelvetsymbology:
VelvetSymbology Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Hey. Congrats on the teaching job, I know you've always wanted that, and I'm sure you worked hard to get there. Hope to talk with you sometime. Keep in touch.
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:iconevilfaeries:
evilfaeries Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2010   Writer
:kiss:
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:iconsweet-domination0308:
sweet-domination0308 Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2010
thank you sooo much for the badge!
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:iconpoetmorte:
poetmorte Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Tanks for the badge.
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:icon15stitches:
15stitches Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Welcome :)
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